Technology · 04/09
Computer Performance Rises Exactly 0% After “AI” Is Renamed “SI”
A federal laboratory reports extraordinarily reproducible results across hundreds of thousands of tests.
MARYLAND, IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE — Researchers compared the performance of the same computer while its software was labeled “AI” and “SI,” using a controlled protocol and precisely the same hardware.
After 300,000 repeated trials, the researchers found no statistically meaningful difference. “Changing the label does not upgrade the processor,” the project director said, before asking whether the findings might be eligible for a grant under their original name.
An unnamed office suggested rebranding the zero-percent improvement as an “unlimited-potential growth rate.” The scientists said they would stick with zero.