Technology · 09/09
World Cat Federation Redefines “AI” as “Absolutely Irresistible”
The new standard requires every intelligent system to understand the head tilt, and every newsroom to stock more treats.
MEOW PLANET, IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE — The World Cat Federation issued an emergency communiqué redefining “AI” to mean “Absolutely Irresistible.” The organization declined to explain why it was necessary, citing its right to ignore humans.
Under the new certification standard, no system may call itself superintelligent unless it can correctly interpret a kitten’s head tilt, recognize that a closed door is a constitutional crisis and open a can without making unnecessary noise.
The press conference ended before reporters asked their first question. The spokesperson had fallen asleep in a sunbeam.