Politics · 05/09
White House Declares Every Trump Typo a Reform of the English Language
The Department of Education considers a dictionary that updates whenever the president types.
WASHINGTON, IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE — A newly established Presidential Language Innovation Commission will determine which spelling errors qualify as historic reforms of American English.
Under the proposal, teachers would have to distinguish ordinary misspellings from presidential innovations that arrived ahead of their time. Dictionaries would be issued as live subscriptions with push notifications for each new presidential adjective.
A worried teacher asked how students could prepare for examinations. “English won’t become more difficult,” a commissioner replied. “The correct answers will simply change every day.”